I've been having trouble writing recently. I keep starting posts and not finishing them. My words feel forced, and I can't find the right words to express anything.

During this mental block, here is a list of some things I wish that I had the eloquence to write about, to hopefully ignite a journalistic flame.

1. my most recent painting about a man and a woman and their similarities to Cyclops and Athena

2. how I am about to go part time at Knox Heritage starting next week and how this makes me anxious, nervous, and extremely excited

3. how I hope that more time to work on certain projects does not turn into me lazing about my apartment with Juicy

4. my recent infatuation with intelligent, kind, and respectable men rather than my former infatuation with... the opposite...

5. how surprising the depth of my sadness is that my neighbor Hunter and his dog have just moved

6. how tornadoes have got me thinking about my masked materialism

7. how my last trip to the mall was transformational, how it resulted in me going on a jog instead of drinking beer, and how I can't get my mind off a particular purple BCBG dress (bizarre)

8. how I really want shoes that are "architectural" (also bizarre)

9. wondering if one can be fashionable and not materialistic at the same time

10. the BS that is existentialism

11. moving to a bigger city

12. how another friend moving away has gotten me thinking about my past inability to be honest with others/myself, and my current gratefulness to be in a healthier emotional state

13. how the selling of my grandfather's lakehouse feels like him dying again and also like closing a door to my childhood

14. how wanting to lead a simpler life has me wondering what that means for all the boxes I've filled over the years with the intention to make scrapbooks

15. how trivia night might be the most productive way to drink beer

16. The lore of Juicy- how she came to me, why I love her, and why she makes me not want to have children

17. the intricacies of being friends with males (and by friends I mean just friends)

18. How the moving away of friends means the probability of new people to enter my life. I wonder who the lucky ones will be...

19. How I've been incessantly listening to dance music, the reasons and implications of this (listen at your own risk/don't judge me)

20. How, like John Mayer (who I used to make fun of my freshman year roommate for listening to, but now I admittedly really like), I desire for myself and the people I love to be able to say what's on our minds and in our hearts.

On that note that makes me feel a little vulnerable, here's to future eloquence.

I'm suing Fancy Feast for stealing my diary and making a commercial about my hopes and dreams.

I'm not going to lie. The end of March almost killed me, but I asked for it. I had two art openings the night of April 1, one solo show at Magpies and The Salvage Show which was my first shot at curating. Although it was fun, I vow never to take on that much while also working full time.






















What made things even trickier was that a nine day family vacation to Colorado fell smack dab in the middle of the month. This meant a week not making work, but it also meant time to think and talk about being an artist at a distance from my studio. I had some great conversations with my family members, especially my "cousin" (I still don't really know what her exact relation is) Catherine who had previously bought a painting from me but had never had a chance to ask me about it.

It amazes me how I never tire from talking about making art. The older I become, the more immersed I am in it. I have to catch myself when I realize I've been going on and on, but I'm always happy for a chance to talk with anyone who has honest questions about the things I make.






















On this subject, I had an interesting thing happen to me on the way back from Denver. My sisters, brother-in-law, and I missed our flight to Nashville. We didn't actually miss the flight as much as we missed the doors being open to the flight. The plane was still there, but we could not get on it.

While my blood was still boiling from this incident, I noticed a familiar face in the line behind us at Customer Service. I had actually forgotten his name but knew he was an Art & Architecture professor at UT. I went up to him after I cooled down and found out he had missed his flight to Knoxville.


















This otherwise long story short is that we all ended up getting on a later flight to Nashville and the professor, otherwise known as Ryann, ended up getting a ride with me back to Knoxville.

This unplanned trip home ended up being a bit profound. It was like a prolonged college advising session, or what I'd imagine a psycho-analysis would be like. (All this happening after midnight is funny, too, considering I usually shut down around 10 most nights)

The point is, our conversation made a lot of circling thoughts I've been having straighten out. It usually takes bouncing them off someone else to do that. It also takes the right person kicking me in the ass every once in a while.






















So I returned from my trip, scratched most of the plans I had had for each show, and made all new work with the time I had left. The giving up part was hard- not being able to follow through on the things I had planned, but it was an easy decision to make at the same time because I was going in a direction I wanted.






















The result of this shift was also good for me mentally and helped me want to be more adamant about some things. I'd like to quit putting the work that is most important to me on the back burner. I'd like to quit focusing so much on what the viewer's response will be about what I make. I want to embrace not knowing exactly why I am making what I am making. I also realize that having my hand in art and fifty other things is killing all of them, slowly, but surely. And I need to be in conversation with others that can remind me to keep on track. What is nice is that all of this seems to have started a domino effect of good conversation in the past couple of weeks.


















So during this time of "introspection," these are the drawings I made for my show at Magpies. I don't have a photo yet of the building I drew, but below is the photograph of it that I also used in the show. In the meantime, here is the artist statement:

It has been six years since I last made portraits like this. Back then, they served as a necessary stepping stone toward realizing the art I wanted to create.

I see these self-portraits and drawings of friends in much the same way, reminding me to be more connected to what I am making.

For me, there is a similarity between looking at a beautiful old building and thinking about certain friendships. Each involves an appreciation, love, fondness for someone or something despite imperfections.

I was flipping through Knoxville Magazine the other day, saw this ad for Ruth's Chris Steak House, and couldn't resist making a few adjustments. Can you tell what I added? I know it's difficult.

I've been toying with this idea for a while now and am finally taking the plunge. It's really about time.

The purpose is mostly to document and write about the things I make, but I'm not limiting myself to just that.

My only two goals at this point are:

one: to post at least once a week and

two: not to post photos of my cat twice in a row.

Other than that, the possibilities are endlessssssssssssss...

...but just to get things rolling, here's a picture of my cat: