My Thoughts, They Elude Me

When I learned to drive, I lived in the suburbs and was obsessed with music, so one of my favorite after school activities was shopping for CDs at Best Buy.

Driving around, talking with friends, spacing out during class, lying listlessly on my bedroom floor, I mentally added albums to my shopping list as they came to me.

But once I stepped through those big box store sliding doors and the fluorescent lights hit my melancholy baby face, the list would vanish from my mind. I couldn’t remember what it was that I wanted.

I still enjoyed myself and usually walked out with something. My defaults were: Smashing Pumpkins, Led Zeppelin, Radiohead, or a movie soundtrack that moved me.

I’d leave the store and forget to make a list moving forward. I’d do this for a long time, for so many things.

***

When I close my eyes, I often see colors: beautiful color combinations, in abstractions or sometimes as patterns. “These colors are for a future painting,” I think.

But when I step into my studio later, my mind is blank. I have no recollection of the colors.

I still enjoy myself, but often go to my default color schemes: vintage mint greens, red-orange, gold, jet black, Super Mario Brothers Pipe Green, lavender, peachy sky pink.

I love these colors, but there is also a treasure trove hidden in my mind.