Day 18

Day 18: Today was incredibly beautiful, with great views from Siler and Wayah Balds, but with it came new challenges. .
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So 18 days is about the time my introverted nature starts yelling at me. Jacob is also an introvert, and one of the things we like so much about each other is that we can just be in each other’s presence for hours, days, and still feel full. But we both know there’s a limit. I learned it’s around 18 days.
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Back home I have a morning ritual of moving like a (slowburning) snail while I drink coffee and read and write. I wake up 3 hours early to do this, knowing that it helps me interact with the world better. But my precious morning ritual has been wrecked out here. From the moment I wake to the moment I sleep, there is always something to do or there is always someone talking to me (not just Jacob. There are people everywhere!). I hike alone a lot during the day, but that’s not the same kind of restful alone time I need. “Working” and being alone doesn’t provide the same energy as my slow morning routine. .
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On top of this, my gut starts to get louder, which, since I’m writing from the future, I can look back and say I’m so grateful to be in tune with. It’s saying, “Remember that dream you’ve always had of hiking the AT alone? And also remember how you wanted to do this alone to build confidence from being a badass in the woods? It’s time.” .
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As I said in a previous post, Jacob has been helping me so much, getting water, setting up our tent, hanging our bear bags, but my gut starts to say, “It’s time for you to do this alone. You’re brain is fearful, but you are ready.”
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We have about 6 more days until Jacob leaves me at Fontana, the start of the Smokies. If I follow my fears and cling to him for the support I think I need, I’ll lose everything I want, even him. That’s just how these things go. Trusting and following our gut is the truest and most honorable option we have, and that’s what I’m after out here. I think that’s what most people are out here for. A big ole gut check. #at2019