Day 12

Day 12: Flame Azalea, leaving Sassafras Gap campsite... I shed some tears today, but not the same type as the day before.
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We had a “short” day, 6.3 miles, which always messes me up mentally. We had a “little” climb up Kelly Knob, which sounded SO easy, but Kelly Knob was no knob. It was a steep mountainside. And it was hot and humid. And bugs were flying nonstop into my sweaty face, nose, and mouth. .
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When I reached the top, Jacob was there, obviously, waiting for me, and so I asked him to walk on so that I could sit and have my imminent breakdown. .
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So a little background. I was completely out of shape when I started this hike. Not only that, I had gained about 10 lbs leading up to it. I was having foot problems and told to rest, so all my plans to train and get into shape were curbed and instead I ate snacks. No big deal. I would acclimate ON the trail! .
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There isn’t any exercise that can prepare you for thru hiking, so acclimating along the way is ok if you have the time, but I don’t. Because of the foot problems, I had to push my start date back almost 3 weeks, which means I’ve got to get my pace up pretty quickly if I’m going to finish. .
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So I’m sitting on top of Kelly Knob, with no pretty view, only fog, weeping about how hard this is, mad at bugs, mad at my body, mad at my feet for causing this problem, mad that I’m so slow, in every capacity. ...A stark contrast from the perfect day before. .
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I realized a while back that I often lament the hand I’ve been dealt, instead of just playing the game and enjoying it the best I can. Everyone is wired differently, and I am wired to see the glass half empty, and I’m also a 4 Enneagram. So not only do I lament the hand I’ve been dealt, I also lament the fact that I’m lamenting. .
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The point of this post? Well, sometimes this is just NOT fun. And it’s hard. And often I don’t handle it well. But, as the Enneagram handbook tells me, no emotion is final. And at Dicks Creek Gap, there was a nice man who hitched us into town to eat Mexican Food. And then we had warm beds in a crappy motel in Hiawasee to sleep in. And if anyone can withstand this kind of masochism, an Enneagram 4 can. #at2019