My friend texted me last night:

"If I was Martha Stewart, tomorrow I'd be boat tripping and picnic lunching on an island in Maine. Oh, and doing yoga."

When I read the text, it was 4:30 am* so my brain couldn't register what she meant. Then it hit me that she was referring to the calendar in Martha Stewart Living where Martha tells all the normal people who subscribe to her magazine all the outlandish things she'll be doing that month. It's really good entertainment.

It would be fun to start posting a calendar of my own here, so I can have a visual of how much my life is not like hers.

Yesterday's entry would have been:

July 31, 2012
Make myself sick off BBQ nachos at Smokies baseball game

***

I'm learning how important it is as an artist (and as a human being) to write down everything I think about doing. Everything. I think I may have hit a level of "planner/to-do list lunacy" however.

I have a planner to carry around with me, I have physical calendars of each month til Dec 2012 hanging in my studio, I have a calendar online, I have a dry erase board at home and in my studio, I have a sketch book, I have a bulletin board, and I've become a post-it fanatic at work and home.

The outcome of this is that I'm actually getting things done. Well, no. I'm getting a lot of things started, which is more than half the battle in most cases. It feels really good.

***

November 17, 2014
Assess whether my life is moving toward or away from resembling Martha Stewart's

***

I could use a little more glamor in my life, and because of that, I can't say I'm never jealous of Martha's Month. I would never want too much glamor, though. That way, I can enjoy reading what this cat and Car Talk say about these sorts of things and also keep pondering the ramifications of such a lifestyle.


* August 8, 2012
   Consider prescription for Ambien

I woke up early the other morning feeling anxious. The words I have to quit drinking beer ran through my head.

But I like beer my brain whined.

Sigh.

I've hit a wall in my weight loss endeavor.

"You should just enjoy where you are," a friend told me the other day. Another told me it's normal to plateau and to keep persevering.

I am persevering. I have to, and there is at least one reason why.

You know how I gave up clothing shopping this year? It wasn't because I am a virtuous, un-materialistic person. No. I did it a) because I don't make enough money to buy much more than food and gas and b) as incentive to lose weight.

I decided I wouldn't buy clothing or shoes until I hit a certain weight, and once I hit it, I would have to buy new clothing because my current clothes wouldn't fit well anymore.

I was supposed to hit the goal at the end of May. That due date was moved to the end of June. The end of June has come and gone and I'm still three pounds away from the goal.

But three pounds! It's so close!

But if I don't lose these three pounds soon, I'm going to go crazy because I want, need, some pants that fit me well asap. But I worry. Will I be stuck on this plateau wearing baggy pants forever?!

So whereas I usually stress in the wee hours of the morning about more dire things, I am beginning to stress about my beer consumption. I can't lose this weight and keep the same "dietary" habits. And I have to exercise more than I am. I'm up to about three times a week now, but it has to be more, at least for a little while.

Because while my first real goal is three pounds away, the next goal is fifteen pounds further. Sigh (again).

In the midst of all this, I struggle with whether this is something to be putting so much energy toward. I've always wrestled with feeling good about myself in general. Even worse, when I think about how I should probably take better care of myself, I feel guilty not investing that energy in other people's lives who need it more. It's the type of thing I think a lot of women stress about. We always feel like we should be giving and not receiving. But if we completely neglect ourselves, how much will we be able to give? So there lies the pursuit of a life well-balanced. What does that even look like? I sure as h don't know!

I do know one thing, however. All this thinking makes me want an ice cold beverage.